Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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