So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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