i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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