Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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