I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
