I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
