I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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