he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
