3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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