Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
