i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
