On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
