why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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