I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
