You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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