Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
