i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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