he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
