drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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