i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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