I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
