Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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