YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
