I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
