Rock
Scissors
Fuck
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
