FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
