Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
do nipples grow back?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
