it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
