Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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