Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
