On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
