well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
