I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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