it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
