Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
