Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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