I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
