And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
