dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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