Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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