Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
