i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
