Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
