I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
