There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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