He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
