I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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