he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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