why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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