Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
