you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize