The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
