I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
