i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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