he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize