Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i already hear my dad disowning me
thus making me awesome and them whores
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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