The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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