how can u be prego again
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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