Who wears a wallet chain?!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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