There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
