i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
