Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found a bag of teeth...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
