just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
