the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
