I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
